"But I don't FEEL like it ..."

Have you ever caught yourself saying these six words? If you don't watch it, they can rule your life. In fact, they did for the majority of mine. If you stop and think about it, it is no different than when our kids say it back to us. Can you hear the whiny "But Mom (or Dad)" voice? Of course, we know what's best for them and encourage them to do it anyway. This is what God (our Father) hears from us (His children). How much more does He know what's best?

"I don't feel like...                                                   
...Waking early to read my bible                 
...Doing something nice for someone not so nice  
...Serving or helping someone       
...Working hard at a job I don't like                     
...Exercising or eating right
...Being the bigger person in an argument          
...Doing anything at all!"
The List can go on and on. Is anybody with me!?!?!

In my last post, I talked about the soul and body part of us and how they need to learn to submit to the spirit. This phrase is a great example of just that in my life. It represents a stronghold (of my soul) and a habit (of my body) that I am continually working on.

It is a bad habit because when I didn't "feel" like doing something, I just didn't do it. Even if I knew it was the best thing for me or what I was supposed to do. I just ignored and hid from the "spirit" voice in my head telling me this. In other words, I was lazy... really lazy.. or for a better word... in bondage.

It is a stronghold because the way I feel dictates the way I live. Who knew you didn't have to live by your feelings?!? I sure didn't for the longest time and more times than not, my feelings were negative and ALL about me. Feelings are fickle. They can change in an instant, therefore, they cannot be truth. Just ask us women. One moment we are happy our guy is watching a chick flick with us, then we are crying because it's just so sweet. Next, we get mad because he isn't crying with us, so we throw a pity party because "he just doesn't understand me." Get the picture?

How do we get these feelings? By listening to lies (many old, some new) and letting them take up residence in our minds. Be careful where you let your mind go or what you let it think on. Negative feelings are produced from dwelling on a negative thought. These thoughts can either be a lie or belief that Satan OR you placed in your mind. They are based on circumstances instead of Truth (the Word). Satan uses our feelings to form mindsets that hold us back, keep us hurting and take away our light. Most of us are not even aware of our thoughts throughout each day. Scary, huh?

Even though I am now recognizing and overcoming much, I still hear those words whispered to me. Sometimes I still act on it and give into my feelings. But many times I recognize it and take that thought captive (2 Cor 10:5). I wish I could say that I catch it every time, but I am still a work in progress.

What about you? Do you hear this phrase or a similar one repeated throughout your day? What do you do with it? Do you live by your feelings or the truth?

We must CHOOSE to be INTENTIONAL with the one thing

God has given us control over - our minds.

Imbalance or Spiritual Attack?

Lie #3: Anxiety and depression are ONLY physical issues that medication can cure.

Medicine was created to help us. However, it is not the answer, but an aide to the solution. There are so many underlying issues that lead to and feed anxiety and depression. Issues that need to be dealt with. Issues that medicine cannot cure... Only God can.

I have had many benefits from taking medication for my depression. However, I knew there was something going on that was more than just an imbalance. There were things I was doing and lies I were believing that kept me in this state. When I was first prescribed medication, I shared my struggles with the psychiatrist. He disregarded my feelings that something more was going on (spiritual attacks) and I needed to seek out God's help. He just wrote on his notepad and handed me a prescription. This may have not been his intentions, but it was my perception of the situation. I left a little mad, but even more confused. What part of my depression is a result of an imbalance and what are actual spiritual attacks on my mind that need to be addressed? Recently, I was able to ask a Christian physician this question. He brought me answers by leading me to this verse.

1 Thessalonians 5:23 Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again.

We are tri-part beings (spirit, soul and body) and He cares for every part of us. These parts are separate, yet work together. A diabetic takes medication to keep his blood sugar levels in balance. A hypertensive person must take medication to keep their blood pressure in balance. The same is true for someone who deals with a chemical imbalance. These three scenarios are no different. They each deal with the "body" part of the equation. Our soul and spirit are different areas and much harder to understand.

Ironically, I'm now in a great study through my church called Living in Freedom Everyday (LIFE). We just studied 1 Thess 5:23 and it explained the tri-part of us and how they work together. My understanding...long story short is...We were created in the Image of God (Genesis 1:27), therefore, at creation we received His spirit (a spirit person that was connected to God's spirit). However, the fall of man (Adam & Eve, Genesis 3) resulted in the death of our spirit person. In other words, we are dead in sin when we are born (Romans 5:12). When you become a Christian (through the salvation prayer), the Spirit person comes alive (is resurrected within us through a relationship with Christ - Eph 2:1-6). Even though, His Spirit is now alive within us, our soul (mind, will, emotions) and body (health, cravings, sinful desires) do not automatically relinquish control to the spirit (Eph 4:22). Our goal as Christians should be for the soul and body to submit to and be led by the Spirit. Sanctification is a process and can be a long one ... a lifelong one.

I am now learning the difference between what is brought on chemically (that physical pulling down feeling), and what other ways my body gets the best of me (its habits and cravings). I also realize how powerful the soul part of me is, which is my mind, will and emotions. This is where my strongholds reside. Wish I could say that my issue was all chemical, but that would be a lie. I have strongholds that need to be demolished. I also have habits and tendencies that "feed" my depression. They need to be broken. 

Depression is so much more than physical sickness. There is a battle going on for your soul. Even if you have come to salvation and your spirit is made alive with Christ, Satan can still keep you down if you allow your soul and body to continue making all the calls. THIS IS WHERE MEDICINE CAN NOT HELP.

You CAN and HAVE TO FIGHT BACK? But how?

I can't be, I'm a Christian...

 (original post 5/15/12)

I can't be, I'm a Christian...

Lie #1 - "I can't be depressed. I am a Christian."

"I am not happy, but I cannot let others know. Christians are supposed to be a light and mine is pretty dim. I have to hide this side of me." This was my thinking for a long time and boy was I good at hiding it... most of the time. I think some of you know what I'm talking about. Many of us stay in denial or hide it... especially Christ followers. Why? Is it pride? Some. Embarrassment? Most definitely. A misconstrued understanding of what it means to be a Christian? Absolutely.

We have been saturated with a lie that once you become a Christian, you are supposed to live "happily ever after." (This truth will not happen until heaven.) The Christian life is a race ... more like a marathon (Hebrews 12:1). Life still continues as normal and we still have our struggles, but, the difference is we now have the Savior of the world, our Comforter, Refuge and Best Friend walking alongside of us.

John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Matthew 5:16 You are the light of the world... let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

We are not free from the throws of depression nor any other ailments or struggles. We have this notion that if we are not happy and just about perfect, we can not be a light to others. This is a lie and a way for Satan to hold us back. The Truth is we are supposed to be transparent about our imperfections and show how differently we deal with them (with a humble, repentant and dependent spirit). This is when our light shines. Think about it. What's more effective, speaking the gospel all day everyday, or living it out in front of the world so they can actually see it and not just hear it?

My story - I've struggled with depression for at least 15 years. The earliest I can remember having any symptoms was in college. About 11 years ago, I spoke with a Christian counselor about "food issues" (at least I thought that was why I was there). She asked me a series of questions, then said "Christie, you are depressed." Of course my response was "NO I AM NOT!" A couple years later, in pre-marital counseling with a pastor, I was asked if I deal with it. Again, my response was "No Way!" I left both of these meetings defensive and embarrassed. I denied it for so long, but eventually accepted something was wrong... not depression though... maybe seasonal affective disorder.. yeah, that doesn't sound as "bad". So I continued in my denial and tried my very best to mask it around others...

Lie #2 - "I am a Christian, I cannot take an antidepressant"

In the Christian community, there is a difference in opinion on this topic. I am no expert, so all I can do is tell my story. For me, not taking the medicine prolonged my ability to grow and be a light. Satan had me right where He wanted me ... paralyzed and doing nothing.

...I finally accepted that I struggled with depression, but told myself I had to just deal with it because I couldn't take medication. It wasn't until 6 years ago, that I decided I could not overcome this on my own. I confided in a friend who was transparent and let me know she had also dealt with it. She asked me the questions, "If you had high blood pressure, would you take medication for it?" I said yes and began to understand why people take antidepressants. It didn't define me or where I stood as a Christian. It was medicine to help my body get back into balance. I started taking an antidepressant and all I can say is my life began to change. The fog began to clear. My "stuff" was still there, but, because the fog was lifting, I was able to face it instead of trying to hide from it. MOST IMPORTANTLY, my relationship with God began to grow leaps and bounds.

For awhile, I still tried to come off of it or put a time limit on taking it, but was unsuccessful. Two years ago, I finally admitted to myself that I need this medicine right now and would take if for as long as it took. I was finally being a "light" (Matthew 5:16) and able to enjoy my life in its abundance (John 10:10). I have come to the conclusion that God is more concerned about me being a light in a dark world to further His kingdom, then He is with me spending all my time focused on perfecting myself on my own.

For me, antidepressants have helped "clear the fog" so I can:
1) Face my issues (doubts, insecurities, negative thoughts and mindsets). They are still there.
2) Grow closer to God (For me, it lifts the fog that stands between me growing. I can focus on Him instead of my problems.)
3) Step out and be used by Him (Focus on and serve others, tell my story).

Without my surrendering to pride and being open to antidepressants, I do know I would not have gone on my last two mission trips (where I grew tremendously), and I certainly would not be doing what I am right now ... being used for ministry.

If you are considering taking an antidepressant,


1) Come out of denial, stop being embarrassed and admit there is something wrong. Ask God for help and to show you what to do.

Psalm 34:17 When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their distress and troubles.
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.

2) Identify - Determine what is based on circumstances? What are mindsets? Physical symptoms? What may simply be habitual responses that you have fallen into?

Define - What are you thinking about? What do you say to yourself and not even realize? Many times Satan pulls us down by feeding us lies about ourselves or others. Listen to your thoughts, write them down and find Truth (scripture) that speaks against these.

Fight- Have you first tried taking this to God and began addressing it? Pray specific prayers? Seek His counsel. Have you already tried this but feel there is a wall up and you cannot get through?

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

3) Talk to a Christian Counselor (Proverbs 11:14; Proverbs 12:15; Proverbs 19:20-21)

4) What are your motives for taking an antidepressants? Do you want a quick fix? Do you NOT want to deal with underlying issues? (i.e. Medicine for me has helped me break the chains that kept me from growing spiritually. For another, when they began to feel better, they feel that they don’t need God's help anymore. There is a big difference in motive in these situations.)
Proverbs 16:2 All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord.

5) Don't look at it as the solution to all your problems, but instead, the beginning of healing.
Exodus 15:26 ...For I am the Lord, who heals you

The "D" Word

Depression. For some, I have your attention. For others, you're saying to yourself... "I don't deal with that." Now, before you decide this post isn't for you, please consider the following:

1) ALL HAVE DEALT or currently deal with a form of depression at some time or another.

2) We ALL KNOW SOMEONE who deals with this.

3) The OVERALL MESSAGE of this post pertains to any STRUGGLE where we feel we have no control. (that includes EVERYONE.)

Now, as I was saying... The "D" word ... Depression. It has such a stigma to it. It's taboo. A sign of weakness. In Africa, the definition translated back to us was "going mad." Wow, who wants that to describe them! No one wants to talk about it... But I do, so let's talk. I CHOOSE to be transparent about what I deal with in hopes that it can help others.

The definition of depression I want to highlight on is sunken, pressing down on and accompanies feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy. The truth is we ALL have felt it. It can be based on circumstances, mindsets created through life, or a chemical imbalance. Often, it's even a combination of these. For me, it's a pressing down paralyzing feeling. It's also accompanied with negative, insecure and self conscious thoughts. My perspective changes, and not for the good. A dear friend and fellow blogger (http://rubber-pencils.com) described it best as being "uncomfortable in my own skin." That is me. It is not based on circumstance, but instead, a physical pulling down feeling AND endless lies entering my head. Sometimes I can identify what the lies are, other times, I cannot. I want to shut my brain off and crawl into my hole... and not just for a moment... for a LONG time... The crazy thing is, I cant' even tell you why or what caused it.

Some of you can relate, but for others, it's not so bad. This is when my flesh wants to say "I hate you" and be covered with jealousy and self pity for the day. Instead, I CHOOSE to change my perspective. I CHOOSE to live by the Holy Spirit and say "I am thankful this is not a big issue for you" and "I praise God for blessing each of us with different strengths and struggles. There is a purpose for them."

2 Corinthians 12:9  "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness. So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

For when I am weak, He is made strong. I CHOOSE to boast about my weaknesses. So... here it goes... "Thank you God for my tendency toward depression." ... There, that wasn't so hard... I am thankful for my journey with depression because I see all that He has done through it. But... my flesh wants to know why I still have to struggle?!?!? Then I remember... God is sovereign, so I CHOOSE to praise Him in it. I CHOOSE to let Him use my weaknesses and struggles for what they were meant to be - A living testimony of God's grace in a broken world!

I CHOOSE to see my struggle as a blessing. It's what brings me back to Him everyday. It reminds me of my dependence on Him. It is a way for Him to call me back and not let me get too far away from Him in MY way of doing life. Because of this struggle, I come to Him in complete dependence everyday. I CHOOSE to allow His power to work in my weakness.

APPLICATION: What is your struggle? Is it a form of depression, anxiety, worry, fear, doubt, shame, anger, pride, jealousy, insecurity, etc.? Is it a physical ailment or an addiction? We all have that "thing." What is yours? And what are you going to do with it?

Persevere or “Check out”?

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

Persevere… I thought I was one who persevered in trials, but I found out I was wrong. To persevere means to persist, to remain constant even in difficulty or discouragement. To meet head on.  Some how, I have deceived myself into believing that giving up for the day and starting over tomorrow is persevering. You see, when things get too overwhelming, discouraging and tough, I “check out”… temporarily …that is my rationale.

What do I mean when I say “check out”? Basically, I’m taking the easy way out until I “feel” better. I go to something (other than God) to shut my brain and feelings off or numb myself. For me this can be food, a cocktail, crawling into my “hole” (which is on my couch watching TV AND playing spider solitaire simultaneously because one is not enough to do the trick). For others, it could be shopping, compulsive cleaning (wish I had a little of that in me), your children, a certain person, working more for success or money, nightlife, sex, etc.  None of these are necessarily bad. The bible says, because we are free, that everything is permissible for me; but not all things are helpful (good for me to do, expedient and profitable when considered with other things). Everything is lawful for me, but I will not become the slave of anything or be brought under its power. (1 Cor 6:12 Amplified). I believe, what makes these “not beneficial” in that moment is our motives. What am I trying to get from “it”?

These are the moments when God is calling us to come to Him and allow Him to work. Check your motives before you "Check Out". If you CHOOSE that “thing” over Him, it’s idolatry. According to James 1:12, If you CHOOSE Him, you will receive life, abundant life. Abundant life is so much more than just breathing; it is living life the way God intended. 

In the past, I rationalized that his mercies are new every morning so I will just try again tomorrow. But this is twisting the Truth. That doesn’t require faith and complete dependence on Him. His mercies ARE new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23), but that doesn’t give us an excuse to check out when our day is still ahead of us. My “game plan” has not been constant, persisting or facing head on. I can’t say I’m persevering which the bible calls us to do. When these tough times come is when persevering begins. If I just “call it a day” – I didn’t allow God to build character in me (Phil 1:6). The moments I want to “check out” are the moments that I need to be on my knees in prayer and STAY there until I have the strength to continue fighting. That is TRUE PERSEVERENCE.

Application: When discouragement comes or you’re having a bad day, do you "check out"? What are the things you go to that compete with God?