Monday, March 23, 2015

The Death and Resurrection of Self

Matthew 16:24-25 Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it."


A Beautiful Easter Prayer by Ken GireHelp me to realize what You are doing in my life, Lord, and how you are doing it. You are changing me into your likeness - and You are doing it day by day, decision by decision. Thank you for this incremental wonder. And help me, incrementally, to work with You in bringing it about.

May I FEEL
  • the WEIGHT OF THAT CROSS on each thought I THINK, so my thoughts could die and Yours be given life. 
  • the HARDNESS OF ITS WOOD over ever word I SPEAK, so my words could be silenced and yours be heard.
  • the ROUGHNESS OF ITS SURFACE against all I DO, so that what I do is what you would do if You were here. Because that is how You are here. Through me.

When I am TEMPTED to
  • THINK MORE HIGHLY OF MYSELF than I should, bring to mind that though You existed in the form of God, You did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Yourself - taking the form of a bondservant, and being made in the likeness of men. And being found in the appearance of a man, You humbled Yourself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on the cross. 
  • RESPOND TO HARSH WORDS by returning the harshness, help me to realize the example You set for me on the cross, that while You were reviled, you did not revile in return; while suffering, You uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Yourself to Him who judges righteously.
  • ACT SELFISHLY, draw me once again to Your cross, where you gave so freely and so fully. To Your executioners, You gave forgiveness. To a thief, paradise. To Your mother, a son.

MAY I NEVER GROW WEARY of living like that, Lord. And may I never seek rest from the responsibility of that cross, understanding that dying to self is not a one time crucifixion but a way of life.

- Ken Gire

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Crickets and quotes...



You may be wandering why this is all you have heard from me for the last 6 months...Long story short, I have not allowed myself to post.

Let me explain -My whole life I’ve been a chameleon – not drastic but subtle….. Last year, God revealed to me that I "perform" as a living.



I perform  
  • so you will like me. 
  •  so you will think I’m okay.
  • because it’s comfortable.  
  • to prove my worth to you, to God, and to myself.  
  • because I don’t know how not to.
- Emily Freeman "Grace for the Good Girl"

So where have I been?  
Learning how NOT to perform and instead SURRENDER and simply RECEIVE. (i.e. placing an expectation on myself to post...perform... prove my worth. This is definitely a hard process for this try hard girl I've become, but let me tell you.. it's been quite freeing.) 

Freeman goes on to say "I care so much what you think... I desperately want to manage your opinion of me. Nearly everything I do is to convince you I am "good".  If I sense any hint of disbelief on your part that I am good, if it seems your opinion is other than what I wish it to be, it becomes my job to change your mind."

Here's another... I just can't help it... it's good stuff...
“The shape and intensity of our performance comes down to two things: expectation and definitions.  I have the expectation of myself to be 
  • a good girl 
  • a good Christian
  • a good wife
  • a good mom
 Not such bad things, until you understand my own personal twisted definition of “good.” 

Good means 
  • I never mess up.
  • I weigh the perfect amount. 
  • I can handle everything. 
  • I don’t look like a fool. 
  • I never lose my patience. 
  • My husband will never be disappointed in me
  • My kids will always obey
  • and everyone basically likes me. 
 Good means I am enough. My goodness is all about me. Not only do I want to be all these things, but I want to be them in front of God and everyone. I want to be good and I want you to know it. 
- Emily Freeman

Are you ready to buy this book yet??? If you can relate and these quotes speak to you, I encourage you to walk through this book with me! Grace For The Good Girl.

Until next time! No schedule, no performance, no expectations... just simply learning how to surrender and receive.