"I'm not good enough"

Anybody ever hear this one running through their minds? I'm sure there are many of us. Whether it's from a voice given to the desire to be perfect or a condemning voice from past experiences, it's all doing the same thing... keeping us from the abundant life God has freely given. (John 10:10)

Some of you know this was my number one lie... a constant tapping on my shoulder. From there, other lies began to take hold and steal my joy... "I've got to be better"..."I'm a mess"... "I don't like myself"... "I will always be this way." I was always aware of it...even on my good days. Not quite sure where the voice came from ... there is no traumatic experience or treatment in my past that shaped this belief. Maybe it came from grabbing onto the black and white, good and bad, do's and don'ts of church and religion INSTEAD of the everlasting love, mercy and grace of a relationship with my Savior. Why did I do that? Because in my mind... the former was easier to understand. Grace and unconditional love... that only made sense once the Holy Spirit opened my eyes to this truth. I was a Christian much longer than I was truly spirit filled. Satan used these lies to try and keep me from this life.

"I'm not good enough"... Want the truth? ... You are right... But guess what? ... NOBODY IS (Romans 3:23). The truth is, no matter how much "better" you become or how much good you do to make up for the bad; you will still not be good enough. Some people see hopelessness in this ... I see pure freedom. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself and just give it to Him. Stop placing unrealistic expectations on your life and condemning yourself when you fail. Think about it... If you were good enough, you'd be Jesus. He is the ONLY one who can ever be good enough.

Ready for some good news... or should I say GREAT NEWS?!?! If you are a Christian, you don't have to be good enough. Jesus came so you would not have to be (1 Cor 15:3). So, why do we think the Christian life is about becoming or acting perfect? The gospel is about a Savior coming to save the imperfect. I used to always just say that Jesus gave His life for me. What I've recently learned is that I need to change my perspective.. or actually... just my wording. He didn't just give me His life; He gave me HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS... Yes, you are the righteousness of God in Christ (2 Cor 5:21)!!! So accept His righteousness and stop trying to live by your own. Let this sink in. Not just into your mind... not just in your heart... but to your very core. Get this truth. Replace the lie and start living your abundant life.

But please also let this sink in. If you are hearing... I have a free pass to do whatever I want...  you are terribly mistaken and giving into a new lie. As a Christian, our goal is to learn the Word and strive to obey it.

My point is, do NOT obey because you have to be better. Do it out of love and gratefulness for what He has done for you AND do it in HIS power and not your own (Zechariah 4:6). If you are constantly trying to do this in your own power, you will fail and continue to hear that condemning voice.

In order for a lie to take root, there has to be some disconnect with God's truth. What truth was I not really getting which allowed this particular lie in?

Sizeable Growth Opportunities

I was recently asked, how long it took me to get where I am in my walk and when I really started to grow. There are two big moments that ring out when answering that question. The first was the freeing breakthrough of learning who I am in Christ (that God loves me no matter what and there is NO condemnation for me. None. Ever.) The second is easy - my mission trips these past two years. Most of you know I was part of a medical mission (through Seacoast Church and partnered with Pioneers International) to Togo, West Africa. In addition to medical clinics, this trip placed an emphasis on evangelism to these patients. This made all the difference.

When talking about mission trips, many people have one of the following comments; however, I believe these ways of thinking are all wrong. If one of these is you, I beg you to reconsider.

1) "that is not my gift" - A short term mission is not about a spiritual gift. Yes, there are some who are called to be full time missionaries around the world. That does require a calling and a special gift. Short term though...It is really A GIFT THAT GOD GIVES TO YOU. You get as much, if not more out of it as the people you are going to serve. The 2010 trip was a true and amazing experience. The 2011 trip was where the fun began; I started seeing so many mighty works that God was doing all around me. This is where I learned what it was like to release control of all my plans and conveniences, as well as, live moment by moment for Him. You have to be taken out of your comfort zone to experience this. It is amazing when you get a taste of what is really going on. We can't see it (the unseen world) here in America because of all the busyness and distractions. Jesus Calling, June 15th says it well, "The curse of this age is over stimulation of the senses (busyness, technology, power for more, material things), which blocks out awareness of the unseen world... The goal is to be aware of the unseen things as you live out your life in the visible world." Now that I've seen it so clearly and abundantly in Africa, I know that the same thing is happening in America. I just have to stop and open my eyes to see it.

2) "Why go over seas, there's plenty of mission work to do here?" - This excuse I didn't quite get until recently. Before my mission trips, I wasn't very mission oriented... It was all about me. Going on a trip made me more mission-minded. More importantly, God used my experiences in Africa to mold a ministry opportunity just right for me here in America. I had a lot of growing to do. He had to take me out of "my world" to stretch me! Now, I'm sharing my story via the Internet as well as creating a bible study at my church. A mission trip is more than travel, more than service... It's all about what you experience and what you do with it when you return home.

3) "I could never go on a mission trip." - There will ALWAYS be a reason why you shouldn't or can't go on a mission trip. For most, I believe these reasons are Satan's way of keeping you right where you are spiritually and not experiencing all God has for you. Don't limit God and what He can do in your life. Anything is possible and a lot of times you cannot see it until you step out of your world. This last trip (November 2011), I almost didn't go because I just didn't know how I could work out childcare for my kids (24/7 since I was homeschooling). I took a step of faith and trusted that just as God provides the financial support, he would provide someone to watch over my kids... And like always...He came through. It scares me to think how much I would've missed out on if I would have allowed that doubt to take away such a gift! If I have learned anything from this, it is that if there is any part of you, even the tiniest part, that wants to experience this... take that step of faith and just do it!!!

Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom Shall I send? And who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

What about you??? Any desire to go...even the slightest???

Control: Who has it?

Just when you think you have "it" under control, God will tell you otherwise. A friend has a magnet on her fridge that says, "We Plan, God Laughs.".... It is so true.

Take Kids for example: I've bragged about how my kids sit and play quietly in thier rooms for "quiet time" most days. It IS a great thing because I need it as much if not more than them. I thought I had it down pat. Well, last week, my kids ... no wait... God humbled me. I was in a deep conversation with a friend during thier "room time." ... (Side note: How come kids know they can get away with so much more when mom is preoccupied with a friend!?!?)... They were playing rather loudly so I told them they could pick a room and play quietly together ... MISTAKE #1... We heard all sorts of Shenanigans going on, but I continued with my deep discussion anyway. MISTAKE #2. Nothing prepared me for what I walked in on. My "innocent" little boys had taken crayons and drawn multiple "windows" on all four walls of Connor's room (see picture).. Oh yeah, and a nice little "fireplace." They were then throwing the crayons at the ceiling and making "pretty color" marks... That's not the worst... Connor's "blankie" had gotten stuck on the overhead fan light (don't ask me how)... So, naturally they decide it would be a great "rope" swing... yes, I said swing! You can imagine this did NOT bode well for the light ... Or my blood pressure!!! And do I even want to tell you about the door knob stopper (see picture again if you didn't notice it earlier)??? The boy's rooms are adjacent to each other and a hole in each room mysteriously appeared one day where you could see straight through to the other's room. This became thier way of communication during "room time" as well as a place to hide thier socks (don't ask my why!?!?! We will never know how many are in there!!!). My goodness, how can two semi-obedient boys cause so much destruction!?!?!

This is a silly example I thought you would enjoy hearing. The truth is, we all have examples of how we thought (and even boasted about how) we had "it" all under control. Only later to learn otherwise. Whether it's planning something or just being prideful, it's all coming from the same motive... to CONTROL. To control means to be in charge of, to have power and dominion over, to manipulate or influence. Wait... Aren't these adjectives part of God's job description and not ours!?!?

I'm learning to boast only in the Lord and not myself (1Cor 1:28-29) because nothing is possible without Him ...especially control of a situation. Why? God longs to be with YOU and have a relationship with YOU. He is a jealous God (Ex 20:4:5) and wants you to recognize your need for Him. Answer this. When things are going well, do you call on your Savior and invite Him into ALL of your day OR do you just call on Him when things are a mess? It's much easier to forget He is there when "you don't need Him right now." Our sin nature craves control. But as always, God knows best.

Control...Do you really want it? I mean do you really? Think about it. Do you really want to carry all that burden and responsibility? I'm finally admitting that I am not in control. I'm embracing it and realizing that it's not such a bad thing. What freedom it is to take that load off of my shoulders and place it where it's supposed to be ... into God's more than capable hands.

What Does That Look Like?

It's Official...

Baby #3 is on the way!!!

...So why am I fearful and anxious?!?!

I had a miscarriage in February. There was a moment, when I realized what was happening, where time stood still...a defining moment. I started to cry and my mind went to a dark place, but stopped almost immediately. I remembered something I recently learned and was able to fight back. We have spiritual armor (Eph 6:10-18). It's there if we want it. We just have to CHOOSE to PUT IT ON and USE IT. Joyce Meyer gave a great visual of this piece by piece in one of her teachings. The piece I remembered in that moment was to use my shield of faith (Eph 6:16) - when shots (or "fiery darts") come our way, you must deflect them with Truth (i.e. by saying "I'm trusting God" or "God is good all the time and I will not let this get me down."). I visualized my shield and deflected the negative thoughts about my experience by speaking these words AND remembering my blessings! Through His strength I was able to turn my day around. Throughout the day there were times when it wanted to creep back in, but I put up my shield of faith... And it really worked!

That was a moment of loss. But now here I am 8 weeks pregnant and experiencing moments of fear and doubt that something will go wrong. It had been doing a number on me. How do I fight back this time? ... The Same Way! They are different "fiery darts" than before, but they are definitely coming from the same source. Satan wants to use our experiences to defeat us. But God intends for our experiences to be used for good.

Fear and doubt is not from God, therefore, these are lies I must not believe or even entertain. At the moment a fearful thought or doubt about the baby (or anything else for that matter) comes in my head, I need to just visualize my shield of faith, and deflect these thoughts by verbally saying, "I'm trusting God." If you really think about it, all we can do is trust Him. He is sovereign and in control. He is the author of my story. And He's already written the story of this little one inside of me. I'm CHOOSING to trust my creator who knows best (Hebrews 12:2). When I do this, there is no reason to be afraid.

Every doubt or fear that will come my way, I will RECOGNIZE that it's not from God and I will CHOOSE to put up my shield of faith and speak with confidence - "I'm trusting God."

What about you? Maybe it's not a baby you're expecting or the desire to have one. It can be anything that brings uncertainty or any type of loss you have experienced. Can you trust God even when it doesn't make sense? Can you accept that we are not in control and He has a plan much better than ours? If you need a visual to help... put up your shield of faith. Give it a try!

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord," plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."