God is the potter, I am the clay... and he's molding me this very moment. He's preparing my heart for a life change. Removing an idol from my life. Something that consumes me more than Him - My food addiction and fixation on my body size.
For so long, I have lived with the idea that IF I was "thin" then all would be right in my little world. In my HEAD, I know this is false - there are many "thin" women out there who can atest to this. ... but my HEART is much harder to break through to. For so long, Satan has been deceiving me with shame, condemnation, body dis morphia and the counterfeit that thin = freedom.
To see if I'm ready, I believe God has been testing me. He wants me to be confident and accept my size no matter what it is - because THAT is not the issue.
- This past fall, God called me to stand in front of 50 women, teach a bible study and be transparent about this very issue while my waistline expanded. I obeyed and laughed at God's sense of humor, where in the past, I would have gone into hiding instead.
- Just this past week, I was asked to be the "very pregnant lady" in a parenting video for Growing Families International. While it was a small part, it was a very big deal to me because I cannot stand seeing pictures of myself, let a lone be on display for the world when I'm on the heavier side. I laughed when I was asked because I know that I know that I know he is stretching me. I obeyed.... and wore black. :)
Jesus Calling December 8th
YOUR NEEDS (freedom) AND MY RICHES (inheritance, power, strength) are a perfect fit. I never meant for you to be self-sufficient. Instead I designed you to need Me not only for daily bread, but also for fulfillment of a deep yearnings. I carefully crafted your longings and feelings of incompleteness, to point you to Me. Therefore, do not try to bury or deny these feelings. Beware also of trying to pacify these longings with lesser gods: people, possessions, power (food).
Come to Me in all your neediness, with defenses down and the desire to be blessed. As you spend time in My Presence, your deepest longings are fulfilled. Rejoice in your neediness, which enables you to find intimate completion in Me. (Emphasis and parenthesis added mine.)
What are you trying to be self-sufficient in?
How are you trying to pacify your feelings of incompleteness?
I'm starting the Made to Crave bible study with a couple of like-minded girls this week.
I am looking forward to:
- Freedom from my addiction.
- Galations 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
- Healing from trying to be self-sufficient and pacifying my longings with food instead of God.
- Phil 4:19 And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
- Freedom from physically seeing myself (my size) as anything less than what God sees me as ... perfect.
- 2 Cor 5:21 For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.