The kind that seeks "unspoken" approval and validation from the world... Or more specifically... the people in it. Let's face it, I want everyone to think I'm good at things and recognize my good qualities. However... I just want them to THINK IT... NOT SPEAK IT. It honestly is really hard for me to take a compliment. When given, I shrug, feel uncomfortable, look at the ground and force a "Thankyou" out of my mouth.
I know, It seems like an oxymoron. In one way I appear humble, but on the other, secretly prideful and arrogant. As I was describing this to a friend, she identified it as false humility. Yep... as much as I don't want to admit, that hit the nail on the head. Not only is it false humility, but it's a form of Idolatry.
"Idolatry of what?" you might ask.
"SELF!!!" Worship of Myself. I want to get the glory that is meant for God. Wow - that was hard to write "out loud."
I wasn't aware of this deception and massive hold it had over me until fairly recently. Satan - You are sneaky. Get the away from me!!!!! Matthew 16:23
Thank you Lord for revealing my sin to me when I am ready to hear it. And thank you for convicting my heart and not condemning me (Romans 8:1)! There is a huge difference!
Our 2nd BATTLES class finished up this past June. And like a good leader, I asked for feedback on how to improve the class...and boy did I receive!
Never fails, there is always that one review that I take personally. I'm sure it was meant to be helpful, but Satan uses this weakness of mine (see above) to try and bring me down. The awesome thing is...in the end... no matter what ... God brings ALL things together for good. Romans 8:28
LET ME EXPLAIN: As I began reading this review critiquing me and my public speaking skills, I felt that pain in my chest rising up, the expression of anguish forming on my face, and the water trying to escape my eyes... the Non medical term of this being "hurt feelings". Thankfully, I recognized what Satan was trying to do in that moment.
So I prayed, "Lord, please let me ACCEPT what is written on this form. I CHOOSE to believe it is meant for good - and the person who wrote it means no harm." Romans 8:28
As I finished praying, God placed a phrase in my heart - "AUDIENCE OF ONE."
I began speaking this truth... "I serve an audience of one. Lord - it is you I choose to serve and not others." I kept speaking it... and soon my fickle feelings came under control.
So, I continued reading class evals and came to a real positive one. I smiled, set it aside and thought to myself..."Oh good. I'm gonna keep this one out and read it whenever I'm feeling down." And that jolt of pride started surfacing and I stopped.... and heard the same phrase in my head..."NO Christie... You serve an AUDIENCE OF ONE."
God convicted me of how much I depend on people's acceptance AND then he showed me how to find freedom from it.
THIS IS WHAT I LEARNED
- It doesn't matter what others think of you - good or bad. You will have both. John 16:33
- If God call you to do something, do it for His glory and not yours. Zechariah 4:6
- If you are always liked and praised, then you are not doing something right. Matthew 5:11
- Don't depend or put stock on these things. They are always changing and in the grand scheme of things ... don't even matter. 1 John 2:17
"Audience of One"
This is my new song. Will you join me in singing?
Joshua 24:14-15 “Now fear the Lord and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped ... and serve the Lord. But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”